Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
