I am spending my child support on dildos
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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