I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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