its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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