I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
