remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
