dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
