then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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