Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
