she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
