I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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