you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
