i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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