I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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