The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's official drugs can't kill me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
