i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
