hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
