How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
