she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize