so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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