he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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