I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
