I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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