"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
