i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You pole danced in your parka.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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