you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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