you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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