Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
