You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He? As in you personified your dick?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
