Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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