I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
