I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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