I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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