home. puking in laundry basket.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
third nipple confirmed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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