fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
