think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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