Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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