you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
