I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
