Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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