Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
3 2 1 whiskey
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
