Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
