Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
