wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
