So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
