It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
