I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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