yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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