my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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