I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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