Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
