He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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