Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
