So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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