Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The uberlube is also flammable
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize