when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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