Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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