you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
