I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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