My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
