Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
