I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
