Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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