ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
