well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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